Wow, it's been awhile. I'm even scared to go back and see that last time I posted and entry. I'll just leave it....and not think about it.
Well, things are good. Work, same. School, start in a week. I actually can't wait to get back. I'm super exhausted right now with work...but I dunno. School can be somewhat refreshing. A kind of, change of scenary. It's good to feel busy sometimes. It keeps me out of the house. Anyway, all is good with those types of things.
Things seem to be good in the romance department as well. Even though I really screwed up with ET, we got passed it. We had our time away from each other, maybe pondered things.....and now, all is good. We didn't over discuss, we just let it be. We've both made our mistakes when it comes to each other. There isn't much we can say about those things, it's about ourselves, not about the other person. So, things seem to be going great now. We hang out and still talk like I've never talked to a lot of people. We can tell each other things. We can be..stupid. We can allow each other to see those quirky things that it takes months for you to let people see. The things not even your family may see about you. We can be immature with each other...act like 10 year olds. But, have a very intellectual conversation about...........whatever. I like him. A lot. But, I'm not gonna trip over it like I did before. I just want to leave things be and see where it goes. He has been honest with me and told me that he doesn't want a relationship while he's in school. Which, I can COMPLETELY understand. It can be a HUGE distraction. A distraction I do not need either. But, it's nice to spend time together. Speaking of which, it's been a couple of weeks. I need to plan a "hang out" session with him again. I miss him.
Anyway.....again, all is good. Things could be better, but still good.
oh, and by the way.........HAPPY NEW YEAR! (a month later)

I wish he would call.

I wish he would respond to my email confession. [I confessed that I missed him last year.]

I wish he would say something.

I wish he would hop on me again, cuz damn, he can kiss.

I wish for soooo much right now. I hope I get it.

The dawn is breaking

A light shining through

Your're barely waking

And I'm tangled up in you

Yeah

 

I'm open you're closed

Where I follow, you'll go

I worry I won't see your face

Light up again

 

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

Out of the doubt that fills my mind

I somehow find

You and I collide

 

I'm quiet you know

You make a first impression

I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

 

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the stars refuse to shine

Out of the back you fall in time

I somehow find

You and I collide

 

Don't stop here

I lost my place

I'm close behind

 

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

Out of the doubt that fills your mind

You finally find

You and I collide

 

 

 

 

I never realized how much I missed kissing somebody. I've been so busy lately (as you can tell by my lack of postage here) that I had forgotten all of that fun....emotional crap. Went out last night. Had a great time. Got some indian food, talked FOREVER, then went for beer and pool. He got a little flirty half way through his mug of beer. Overall, we had a great time. It was nice to just kick back, talk, and for there to be no pressure. It just flowed really well. Then, I took him home.

Man, can he kiss. It was great. His lips are super soft, and he's sweet. damn. I missed it. I hadn't felt like that while kissing a guy since MC. And, that was a LONG time ago. I had almost forgotten how it felt. It was the best moment I've had in a long time, and much needed.

We want to hang out again.......we just have to find time. It's hard. Me working full time (currently 6 days a week), then school full time (which is class 5 days a week including Friday nights and Saturday mornings), then him being in school full-time and all of the studying that comes with a lot of his classes. But, I think we'll go out again. The only downer is that he doesn't want a gf while he's in school. Which, I can completely understand....it's just a bummer. I think it might work well for us. OH WELL, I shouldn't get ahead of myself...it was just 1 good make out session.....not a proposal. Hmmmm...he's yummy. :-)

saikyomoto (11:40:57 AM): you know johnny depp is hot
Sweetmuesic521 (11:41:17 AM): lol..yes he is
Sweetmuesic521 (11:41:28 AM): dude...i'm fucking crazy orange chicken and chow mein.
Sweetmuesic521 (11:41:33 AM): i'm going to panda for lunch today.
saikyomoto (11:41:34 AM): LOL
saikyomoto (11:41:36 AM): WTF
Sweetmuesic521 (11:41:37 AM): mmmmm...i can't wait.
saikyomoto (11:41:39 AM): craving you mean
saikyomoto (11:41:41 AM): HAHAHAHALOL
saikyomoto (11:41:51 AM): hahhaa sounds like you're having a threesome
saikyomoto (11:41:54 AM): with like nicknames
saikyomoto (11:41:54 AM): LOL
Sweetmuesic521 (11:41:59 AM): lol
Sweetmuesic521 (11:42:07 AM): oh shit...i just read what i typed!
Sweetmuesic521 (11:42:09 AM): that's funny!

So...it's been a while. I've been SUPER busy. I just went out for the first time this summer on Saturday...and the sad thing is, by summer ends on the 14th. I can't believe it already start school in a week. It's all good though. Me and my restless soul need less free time. :-) Well, let's see...what's been going on. My niece turned 1 last month. Yeah baby Sha! She's the cutest thing EVER! I got a promotion and a raise at work. YEAH Britt! I'm planning on moving out in January (finally!). I got a laptop. I've been busy. I did go on vacation though. Gave myself a little break. My sister and I did a road trip. We started in San Francisco. Saw Alcatraz, ate at Bubba Gumps (try the bucket of trash!), and bought my dad the most AWESOME shirt ever. We were walking down by Fisherman's Wharf and we saw this pirate store (not that kind of pirate!!!!)....anyway..they had this shirt. It has a skull and crossbones on it...however, the best part.....it says "surrender the booty." It's freakin' awesome! Perfect for my dad! After San Fran, we went to Fremont. Doesn't sound like anything special, but it's home to the Winchester house. If you don't know anything about it...you should check it out. It's creepy! After that, we went to Monterey. Their aquarium is awesome. They have this store that has the best taffy too! Then we went to Solvang. That was just about wine and food. Then we did San Diego. We were supposed to go to the San Diego Zoo and the Wild Animal Park. But, m sister and I both got sick..so we left early. I had to go to the hospital. Even though it ended early...we had a great time.

Nothing much else is going on. Still single...still loving it. Have a family reunion coming up on the 20th...then Vegas for Labor Day weekend. My cousin is having her baby shower! YEAH! Fun fun fun!

 

Yeah! I'm freakin' AWESOME! So, I have a crush on this guy that works for one of my sister companies. He's cute, a little bit younger. But he has a good head on his shoulders! He's the totally dorky type that I just can't get enough of. he's not stupid, just hokey! So anyway....my friends Kristin and Delmy from work have been telling me that I should just ask him out. They were positive that he was going to say yes, but that if he didn't, he wouldn't come across as an asshole and make me feel bad if he said no. Anyway, he's the shy type that probably wouldn't ask me out anyway, so it would be up to me if anything were to happen. So, I finally got up the nerve and did it today. I did it in a very indirect manner (thru IM) but, he said YES! I'm totally stoked! I haven't been on a date in a LONG ASS freakin time! So, now we just have to set a date. He and I both have really busy schedules because we work full time and go to school full time. so we'll see when it goes down. But, I can't wait. I think I deserve to go out with someone who makes me smile and doesn't make me feel like shit at the end of the day! GO ME!

 Crazy huh?

Alright shitheads...I'm bothered. Well, actually, rather fucking pissed off. So, I'm just gonna put it out there and we'll talk about it later.
If you have an issue with what I am or am not doing right in rehearsal, then talk to me about it. Don't have a convo behind my back saying that I screw up too much and don't practice enough. If THAT is a fucking problem for you, then don't bullshit me to my face. Don't tell me that you're happy I'm there, if really you think I'm a slacker. I don't need to be lied to and I don't need to have fakers for friends. OK!

I have lost 5.6lbs after my first week on weight watchers. I am soooo happy! Only 14.4lbs more to meet my health goal. But, many more until I meet my personal goal. I can't wait! :-D

Other than that, nothing but a busy, very non-social life in front of me....at least until May 21st. Here is my schedule:

Monday: work 7:00am - 4:00pm
class 7:00pm - 9:30pm

Tuesday: work 7:00am - 4:00pm
class 7:00pm - 9:30pm

Wednesday: work 7:00am - 3:00pm
rehearsal 4:20pm - 5:30pm
class 7:00pm - 9:30pm

Thursday: work 7:00am - 4:00pm
rehearsal 6:00pm - 9:30pm

Friday: work 7:00am - 4:00pm
class 6:00pm - 8:00pm

I'll be lucky if I can make time on the weekends to see anyone! I hope I can though. I'll need it.

Wish me luck!

I have just been successful at assembling my new dresser. Complete with drawers, shelves and a shoe rack! Totally happy!

Room looks bigger. But, I broke a nail and it fucking hurts. Word of advise....be careful when using a hammer.

Good night all! Tomorrow brings: Sunday and RAIN!

Went to my first weight watchers meeting this morning.

Got weighed in, wanted to shoot myself.

I'm going to stick to this shit, and I'm gonna be a fine ass bitch.....someday.

Am now going to go do some serious work on my room. Need to clean EVERYTHING. I'm getting a new dresser today so I gotta get to work.

All is good. I'm feel better, as long as I'm not thinking.

Stay occupied!.....keep busy......forget about him. Forget about everything.

Enjoy the rain.

So, life is moving along pretty smooth. No serious bumps or pot holes, just ones of those really annoying wide speed bumps in the middle of residential streets.

Work is great. First paycheck with new raise on it was AWESOME!

gigadelic beers on me sometime soon!) 

Starting weight watchers tomorrow. First goal, lose at least 20 pounds by the time I go to Michigan during spring break. (end of march to beginning of april) Wish me some serious fucking luck!

Start school on the 18th. Actually looking forward to it. Can't wait to start playing again. Be in rehearsal on wednesday!

So, speedbump. A's girlfriend moved into town. In all honesty, I'm happy for the guy. I can tell that he is genuinely happy. He's satisfied (for once). I'm glad he has that. But, I hate that I'm going to lose the friendship that we have. People change when something or someone new comes around. And now, that she's here, nothing will be the same. I'm giving up a lot because I'm not ready to meet her, and that sucks. I gonna miss hanging our with m and s. I'm gonna miss Movie Thursday's (we didn't give it that name, but that's usually what we did). Coldplay. Muse. "britt britt." It's all gonna wash away with the floods coming in with the storms. It really sucks. I'm gonna miss him. I'm gonna miss my friend. I wish I could say that it's all going to be fine, and nothing's going to change. But EVEYRTHING will change and nothing will be fine. And in reality, I'm the only one that's gonna feel the pain, and that's shit. But, such is life. Just fake the smiles again. as always.

i hate that life is painful for so many right now. i wish it was all easy. that we really could have all that we wanted "if we just put our mind to it." But, nothing comes easy, and if you get it, even for a second....when it's gone, it's the worst. losing someone you love romantically is bad. having to give up a best friend, is WORSE. either way, my heart will be broken for today, at least. i'm sure yours is just as bad.

To all of my friends: I need you to know that I totally love you. And even though I'm not as close I'm still here.

Ice-age heat wave, can't complain
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand.

I move on to another day, to a whole new town with a whole new way.
Went to the porch to have a though
Got to the door again, I couldn't stop

You don't know where and you don't know when
But you still got your words and you got your friends
Walk along to another day
Work a little harder, work another way

Well uh-uh baby I ain't got no plan
We'll float on maybe would you understand?
Gonna float on maybe would you understand?
We'll float on baby would you understand?

The days get shorter and the nights get cold
I like the autumn but this place is getting old
I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast
It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.

The days get longer and the nights smell green
I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.

I like songs about drifters-books about the same
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane
Walked off onto another spot
I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want

Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?

The moths beat themselves to death against the lights
Adding their breeze to the summer nights
Outside, water like air was great
I didn't know what I had that day

Walk a little farther to another plan
You said that you did, but you didn't understand

I know that starting over is not what life's about
But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth
My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth
My thoughts were so loud

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you all enjoy yourselves!

Things are going extremely well for me right (even though there are downsides). I had an interview today, GOT THE JOB! Yay me! Even though I love my current job, I have to put in my notice tomorrow. Going to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It's gonna be sad. But, it's got to be done. So, slowly moving towards my goals. But, moving farther away from many of the things I love. All my friends, in LA. It's gonna suck not seeing them as much. But, if we're supposed to be friends, we'll make it happen. Totally confused about what going on with men in my life...well really only one in particular. Has he changed because he really likes me now, or has he just grown up? No one would be able to really answer that but him, but I SOOOOOOOO can't ask. Too much of a touchy situation. Would put more drama and pressure into it than I really need. So I'll just sit back and take one day at a time with it. Have no expectations. Doesn't seem like I really can. EVER! HA! Anyway, really things are going great. I don't think I've been this happy in a while. My smile is totally genuine today! Nothing but a good road ahead!

I can't remember when it was good
Moments of happiness elude
Maybe I just midunderstood
All of the love we left behind
Watching our flashbacks intertwine
Memories I will never find
So I'll love whatever you become
Forget the reckless thing we've done
I think our lives have just begun

And I'll feel my world crumbling
I feel my life crumbling
I feel my soul crumbling away
And falling away
Falling away with you

Staying away to chase a dream
Tasting the air you're breathing in
I know I won't forget a thing
Promise to hold you close and pray
Watching the fantasies decay
Nothing will ever stay the same
And all of the love we threw away
And all of the hopfes we've cherished fade
Making the same mistakes again

And I'll feel my world crumbling
I feel my life crumbling
I feel my soul crumbling away
And falling away
Falling away with you

All of the love we left behind
Watching our flash backs intertwine
Memories I will never find

"Falling away with you" - Muse

Ok, so yeah Thanksgiving was here. I'm thankful, totally, for lots of things. But, depressed at the same time. This was my first Thanksgiving in two years without having a boyfriend. It made me think. As much as he still makes me mad on occassion, and he's still an ass, I was really in love with him. He's the first person I had ever really loved and I'm always gonna love him. But, what's HE doing on this holiday weekend? He's out with another chick doing something romatic. Just makes you feel SHITTY! Remember Brittany, never say you wish things were different, or you wish you had been more mature. It wasn't just your fault! Gotta keep telling myself that. It's just really crappy to be alone during the holidays. I mean, there's family, but it's always nice to remember who you get to kiss at midnight on new year's. I miss it all sooo much. But hey, times will change right? Of course! But for now, I'm just going to go put on some warm pj's, crawl into bed and watch a movie that will make me cry. Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!